Your Momma does NOT wear Army Boots ( or Thoughtfullness does not make news )
“Your Momma” insults are classic argument enders and for some reason I remember “your momma wears army boots” as one of the most cliche of all your mommas. I don’t really know what that means or why it would be an insult but there you go. When two people are debating or arguing a point there comes a point when one person has no reasonable response to the other persons argument so they digress to a personal attack to end the argument. You’re wrong because you’re stupid.
But we are grown up now and we can do better. If we disagree with someone we should be able to outline what it is about the concept being discussed that we disagree with and not just go to the “your mommas” to “prove” our point.
If you know the person then you can call them an idiot if this is a fair representation of that person and first hand information. But if not, then stick to the subject.
Are you confused yet by this rant? Here is the article that inspired this post.
Consumer Reports came out with a safety statement on baby slings and bed bassinets that allow babies to sleep in their parents bed. It is Consumer Report’s job to test out products and point out where there may be concerns. Of course, a large number of incidents happen from misuse of products – human error. That being said there are still incidents and it is good that consumer reports points this out so that people can be aware and take precautions.
According to this article there were a large number of responses to this study and many people who wrote in that the author of the report was a “baby hater”. What? Really?
Is that the best we can do?
Personally, I think parents should use slings, or baby backpacks or frontpacks or strollers – whatever they are comfortable with. The most important thing is for parents and children to bond in the most meaningful way they can and enjoy the time they have together. And for parents to provide as safe of an environment for their child to grow in as possible.
Let’s elevate the discussion and stick to the issue. A number of responses thoughtfully pointed out that many of the incidents were caused by misuse. But I guess thoughtfullness does not make news.
One of the things I love most about the Internet is the access it allows me to some really great news papers from around the country. I am particularly fond of the smaller newspapers from small towns around the US. If you really want to know what is going on in the world pick up a small town newspaper.
So, today was a little bit of a surprise to me because the headlines in several or these newspapers were about business owners in the central business districts forming associations. This may not seem like a remarkable headline except that every town I know of has a Chamber of Commerce which, as I understand it, is supposed to watch out for the interests of the local business owners.
The Chambers of Commerce are supposed to promote the business interests of their members, help promote the community for tourism and other outside sources of revenue, and assist in the beautification of their community.
Typically, the chamber of commerce is tied in with the economic development associations and both have a streamline to government grants and other funding. Not sure why the citizens in these communities feel like they have to abandon or supplement existing organizations. ( ? )
I don’t have any answers or really even any speculations as to the grassroots organizations that seem to be popping up around the country but it will be interesting to follow and see how this impacts our small towns.
“Oh come on Mom! Don’t go all Wired Moms on me” This is what I heard the other day when I told my tween that they could not sign up for an interactive website that required the minimum age to be 13.
The TOS ( Terms of Service ) explained that this website required its online users to be at least 13. There are a number of parents out there who have buckled to their children’s wishes to let them enter a fake birthday so that they can register for a variety of websites – and even more kids who are probably not even running this by their parents.
But parents need to be involved and TOS terms need to be followed. There is a very good reason for this. In the article linked to this post a 12 year old boy posted a personal web video blog to his youtube account and posted topics that related to his faith. Most recently though, he had posted a video blog about gay marriage that had people responding to him as though he was a full grown adult – and many of those replies were vicious and profane. Other concerned users were able to help actually locate the boy and make sure he was ok because they were concerned about his safety.
The Terms of Service for YouTube are not only very clear but also very kind:
12. Ability to Accept Terms of Service
You affirm that you are either more than 18 years of age, or an emancipated minor, or possess legal parental or guardian consent, and are fully able and competent to enter into the terms, conditions, obligations, affirmations, representations, and warranties set forth in these Terms of Service, and to abide by and comply with these Terms of Service. In any case, you affirm that you are over the age of 13, as the YouTube Website is not intended for children under 13. If you are under 13 years of age, then please do not use the YouTube Website. There are lots of other great web sites for you. Talk to your parents about what sites are appropriate for you.
There are other great websites out there for kids. And while the major websites like YouTube, Facebook, MySpace and others are very powerful and tempting here are a couple of good reasons to keep your kids to the TOS.
1. These are the Terms of Service of the website
Remember your dad always saying “As long as you live in my house you will follow my rules”. Well each website has its own rules and that is a good enough reason.
2. It’s the law
COPPA was enacted in 1998 to protect our children on the Internet. READ THE FTC page on COPPA.
Meaning that websites are operating in good faith but they are required to address the coppa act in their TOS.
3. Let our kids be kids
Yes, it is true, that kids are growing up so much faster these days. But there is no reason we have to push them into the grown up world. Everyone acknowledges that kids are growing up hardwired to new technology but just because they know how to navigate a website doesn’t necessarily mean they are emotionally prepared for the onslaught of bad behavior by some creepy older faceless and unknown internet user.
4. Let your kids know you care
They may complain at first and tell you that all of their friends are doing this ( that one never gets old ). It is time for us to parent our kids and let them know that we love them enough to care about these little details. In a recent Good Morning America town hall meeting with Parry Aftab and Wired Safety there was a beautiful exchange between a mother and her daughter. The daughter had sent indecent pictures of herself over her cell phone to a boyfriend and this was discovered. The mother began to cry just a little and when asked why she was crying her response was that she just loved her daughter so much. Her daughter then went on to say that she didn’t even really mind her mom looking over her shoulder anymore. It seems like there should be some way to get this message through to our kids before something bad happens.
5. We need the kids to identify great websites for kids
The great thing about the Internet is that it does respond to the wants and interests of its users. The more kids using KID websites the more kid websites will be developed. So, let your tween know that they are actually helping their little brother or other little kids who haven’t even started using the Internet yet.
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22Apr
In the early to mid 1980′s on the campus of the University of Washington in Seattle Washington a serial killer was targeting co-eds. This killer was loose all over the Seattle / Issaquah area but primarily targeting young women. One girl was walking home at night less than a block from a party to her house when she disappeared without a trace. ( At the same time the Green River Killer was building his number of victims but he was primarily targeting prostitutes in the Renton Tacoma area and so we didn’t worry about that one quite as much ).
If you were a co-ed at the time, as I was, you never walked alone at night. If you had to go to the library there was a number you could call to have someone walk with you to your destination. Many women were carrying mace and whistles. While general safety tips were being followed we weren’t all that scared because surely we would be able to identify a slimy scary serial killer just by looking at him.
As we were about to find out this wasn’t the case. We would all find out several years later that this serial killer had worked his way across the country and repeated his brutal killing spree in Florida. His name was Ted Bundy. He was attractive, charming, and smart.
Flash forward 20 years and the news was filled with updates on what was being referred to as the Craigslist Killer. At the time of this writing they have taken someon into custody. Apparently, he wasn’t quite as smart as his counter-part, Ted Bundy, but there are striking similarities.
Both men preyed on women; trusting, gullible, women. Craigslist was the perfect tool for this beast to find his victims. It was almost too easy. He is good looking, charming and seemingly successful. In all other situations he would be considered a catch. It seems as though his motive was burglery and not murder but it progressed to murder and he had a gun so there had to be some premeditation involved. And, if the person they have in custody, is truly the Craigslist killer then this is a huge wake up call for all of us who may have become complacent with protecting ourselves online.
With Facebook and other similar sites, we have all become a little more trusting with our personal information. After all, it’s just our friends who are looking at our profile information. We put our family pictures out there along with other personal information including travel plans and cell phone numbers and we pay little attention to how our virtual life overlaps with our real life. And we pay even less attention to how much of that information overlaps to areas on the site that is viewable by the general public.
For the past 15 years my main focus has been on keeping kids safe online – safe against predators and exploitation. But the Craigslist killer story is a reminder to all of us grown-ups that we need to remember to look both ways before we cross the street too.
Personally, I love Craigslist. I have used Craigslist with great success. And because I will continue to use and support Craigslist it became important to put together some safety tips for using websites like this one. In putting together these tips it occurred to me that they were many of the same things my mom used to tell me to do when I was a kid. Here are my top 6 tips for keeping yourself safe when buying items on Craigslist.
1. Don’t Talk to Strangers – Anonymous contact information
As grown ups we have to develop the skill of talking to strangers. We have to interact with strangers every day. It just means we have to learn HOW to talk to strangers.
Use a junk email account for initial contact. You can set up a free email account with Yahoo, Google, Hotmail etc. that does not have your name in the address or other identifiers like “momof4″. Also, remember to not have your real name or other identifer in the “From” line. If you have questions for the seller of an item or service on Craigslist there is no reason you have to give them your life story from the very start.
If a phone call is required to get more information I will typically make the call from a central location and not use my home phone or cell phone for this call. No need to leave your private number on their caller ID. You can make your phone number private too so that it doesn’t show up at all on their end too.
2. Use the Buddy System
NEVER EVER go alone!. If you are going to preview an item or pick up an item then definitely make sure you have someone with you and you have your cell phone with a fully charged battery.
Another good tip is to make sure your gas tank is full so that if you do need to get out of a bad neighborhood quickly you won’t need to stop anytime soon.
3. Be Home before it gets dark
If at all possible ONLY meet in the daylight. Never meet at night. Be very careful about going into a strange home. If you are even the littlest bit uneasy about this read tip #4.
4. Be Rude
This one may need a little explanation. Of course, I’m not suggesting you should be rude to people BUT if your gut is telling you that there is something wrong with the situation then this is not the time for niceties. Don’t get yourself in a bad situation because you don’t want to be rude or hurt the feelings of a person you just met 3 minutes ago. I would rather be rude and wrong than polite and dead.
A must read manual for life is Gavin DeBecker’s ” The Gift of Fear
5. Leave Bread Crumbs
Basically, leave a trail. Let someone, besides the person who is with you, know where you are going and when you are planning on being home. Then be sure and check in with that person when you do get home safely.
6. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Ted Bundy was an attactive, unintimidating young man. He would wear a fake cast on his arm and ask women for help loading up his car. Then he would hit his victim over the head and shove her in the trunk. We are still waiting for all the details on the Craigslist killer. But in both cases, women felt comfortable enough with these guys to let their guard down.
BE SMART. There are alot of dangers out in the world but there are also some great things going on too. We just have to learn how to be on guard and protect ourselves.
So just remember – Be safe online and IRL ( In Real Life ).
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